Conflict. Mmm. I love it. It turns me on. It lights me up. I come alive through it. I make love through it. I fuck myself open through it.
Drama, on the other hand, sucks all the life out of me. Nothing turns me off more than drama. Ugh. I'm also fucking myself through drama, but it's in the exasperated deflating sense.
It confuses and aggravates me that somehow we live in a culture that is tragically conflict-avoidant, and woefully addicted to drama.
So what's the difference? What makes conflict conflict? What makes drama drama?
"Where there is no conflict, there is no life." — J. Krishnamurti
To me, conflict is the natural friction that arises between two or more beings. It's a natural byproduct of being alive. Take any two humans, each with their own models of reality shaped by their individual histories -- it's just a matter of time until their models of reality clash.
When this clash is met with compassion and curiosity, we get creativity, evolution, connection. This is what I call conflict. Conflict is fertile ground for creativity. The tension of conflict births evolution.
When this clash is met with judgment and resistance, we get righteousness, devolution, disconnection. This is what I call drama. Drama is the grim reaper for relationships. The tension of drama drains life from us.
To me these are the key distinctions between conflict and drama:
Conflict feels empowering -- empowering to all parties involved.
Drama feels disempowering -- like a power struggle where even the "winner" loses.
Conflict feels loving -- I'm orienting towards compassionate understanding and connection. First and foremost within myself, deepening my understanding and connection with myself. And then subsequently with the other -- compassionately understanding them and trying to build a bridge of connection to their world.
Drama feels unloving -- I'm often unconsciously dehumanizing myself or the other. Emotionally beating myself up. Emotionally beating the other up.
Conflict feels freeing -- some of the confines of my limited world view are challenged and drop away. Subsequently, I can see, feel, experience life from a more expansive perspective.
Drama feels oppressive -- it's like a Chinese finger trap. The more I strain, the more constricted I am. The more I box myself into my narrow and limited view of reality.
These are the somatic indicators that help me differentiate and recognize if I'm in healthy conflict or if I'm in unhealthy drama.
When tension is rising in me, I ask myself:
Am I feeling love? Am I vibrating freedom? Am I in the energy of empowerment?
If the answer is "no" to any of these, I pause and ask myself:
What would feel like love? What would feel like freedom? What would feel like empowerment?
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